Frustrations and Failure to Improve

I haven’t been writing as normally as I should be. For the most part it’s:

Deadlifts and front squats with a mixture of over head presses, lunges, reverse lunges, db rows, pull-ups, and/or dips then finishing off with my hip exercises.

In terms of jiu-jitsu it’s:

Spar, get smashed, get swept, get submitted. Spar once more, repeat.

I’m kinda pushing myself to spar more and more. Trying to log in more mat time to focus on strengthening my legs and getting them used to the weird movement of jiu-jitsu. Everyone I spar with I ask to go slow. My request falls on deaf ears.

I’m not surprised though. The only time I got a smooth slow roll was with a purple belt. Everyone else just tries to submit me. When they do, their attempts are sloppy so I escape, which in turn makes them think I’m stepping things up and they go harder, faster, stronger. I don’t.

I don’t scramble for positions. I get stuck in bottom side-control. Any escape I try gets shut down or they move to north-south or kesa gatame.

Rolling isn’t fun.

Everyone is very, very competitive.

I fear that the only way I’ll be able to improve is to meet them on their level and only slow things down to the level I want when I have the advantage.

But that’s how injuries can happen. Tomari-sensei, just the other day, got yet another knee injury. He’s had several involving both knees, although they weren’t serious enough to warrant surgery, his knees will never be at 100%. They’ve never been 100% for some time now.

I have already had my share serious injuries. I don’t want anymore.

Sigh.

For the sake of keeping my affair with jiu-jitsu lifelong, I might have to endure being slow and mediocre for the time being.

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